Annual Review of Blanket Temperature War
The blanket is on. The blanket is too warm. The blanket is off. The absence of the blanket is too cold. This has been the situation for forty minutes.
Year in review: the blanket temperature war. Period: The past year. Permanent resolution: none achieved. Current status: ongoing.
The Seasonal Data
Winter: blanket used consistently. Disputes involved thickness (too warm with the heavy blanket, too cold with the light one) and coverage area (feet out versus feet in).
Spring: blanket used intermittently. The temperature variability of the season created a nightly situation where the optimal blanket decision could not be made at bedtime because the optimal outcome would only become clear at 3am.
Summer: blanket nominally not used. A sheet was used instead. The sheet proved insufficient by midnight and the blanket was retrieved from under the bed, used until too warm, removed, and retrieved again. Average retrievals: 2.3 per night.
Monsoon: complicated by humidity. The blanket's thermal properties are affected by ambient moisture. A blanket that was sufficient the previous night may be too warm at the same temperature if humidity is higher.
Autumn: optimal blanket weather. Disputes reduced. War enters a brief ceasefire.
The Mechanism
The body's optimal temperature changes during sleep. The sleeping body generates heat, which accumulates under the blanket and eventually produces a warm condition that was not present when the blanket was applied. The blanket is removed. The body cools. The blanket is reapplied. Repeat.
The Annual Finding
No blanket configuration resolves the war permanently. The resolution tonight will not hold tomorrow. The year produced approximately 730 blanket adjustments and zero permanent solutions.
The war will continue next year.