Dinner Selection Has Entered Its Third Committee
A group of people who all want dinner and all have opinions about dinner have been discussing dinner for an hour and have not yet chosen a restaurant.
The conversation started at 6pm.
Everyone was hungry. Everyone wanted to go somewhere. Everyone had opinions, which they were willing to share if asked directly, but which they preferred not to lead with, because leading with an opinion is a different social posture than responding to one.
By 6:15, three options had been mentioned. By 6:30, all three had been gently rejected by different people for different reasons. By 6:45, the group was discussing what kind of food everyone was in the mood for, which is the question that should have been asked at 6pm but which nobody wants to be the person to ask.
The Structure
Group dinner planning has a structure. It begins with an expression of openness. "I'm happy with anything." This is sincere, broadly. It is also incomplete, because anything includes things that specific people do not want, and the person who said they were happy with anything does not mean those things.
The second phase is the indirect exclusion. Someone mentions a place. Another person says that sounds great, though it might be a bit far, or they had it recently, or there might be a wait. This is not a rejection. It is a refinement. The refinement accumulates until the original option is no longer on the table without anyone having said no.
The Poll Phase
At some point, someone suggests a poll. This is treated as organizational progress. The poll contains five options. Three of them are places that had already been gently excluded in conversation. The poll results come back split, with the highest vote getting two out of six.
Everyone is happy to go anywhere. Nobody will confirm anywhere.
The Resolution
Dinner eventually happens. Someone, usually the hungriest person, makes a unilateral decision and frames it as a suggestion so decisive that it requires a response. The group says yes. The group is relieved. The group goes to dinner and has a good time.
The time between 6pm and the decision is not remembered fondly, but it is not specifically remembered either. It simply passes. It will pass again next time. The structure will repeat because nobody wants to be the person who decides for everyone, and everybody is waiting for somebody else to become that person.
The restaurant chosen is usually the second place anyone mentioned.