Notice of Continued Coffee Before Work Operations
Work cannot begin until the coffee is ready. The coffee requires four minutes. The work has been waiting since 9 AM.
To: The Work From: The Person Re: Continued Delay to Start Time Date: Every Morning
This notice serves to inform you that operations cannot begin until the coffee is ready.
Regarding the Dependency
The dependency on coffee before work is not a preference. It has been classified, through repeated testing, as a prerequisite. Starting work without coffee has been attempted on three occasions. The results were judged insufficient. The coffee dependency was reinstated and has remained in place since approximately 2019.
The start time is 9 AM. The coffee requires four minutes to prepare. Preparation begins at 9 AM.
Regarding the Sequence
The coffee is made. The coffee must cool slightly before consumption. Consumption is not rushed. Coffee consumed under pressure does not fulfill its function. The coffee is consumed at a pace consistent with its function.
Work begins at approximately 9:14 AM.
The ritual gains exceptions, timing rules, and a preferred method defended from memory. The preferred method: kettle to 92 degrees, not boiling. Two minutes steeping if pour-over, four minutes if the press is used. The press is used on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This preference was arrived at without explanation and is not subject to review.
Regarding Attempts to Streamline
On one occasion, an attempt was made to prepare the coffee the night before and reheat it in the morning.
This was not coffee before work. This was reheated coffee. The difference is qualitative and does not require elaboration.
Status
Any coffee before work repeated three times becomes part of the meal and must be performed again. This ritual has repeated for approximately 220 working days per year across several years. It has not failed to occur. It has not been questioned. It has not been submitted for external review.
Work continues to wait.
Work has been informed. It appears to have no objection.
Current estimated start time: 9:14 AM, plus the additional two minutes occasionally required when the first pour is wrong and a second attempt is made.