The Mutual Plan Vagueness Is Now Officially a Procedure
Two people have agreed to meet sometime soon and are both waiting for the other to introduce a date into the agreement.
Field Guide to Mutual Plan Vagueness
Stage 1: The Agreement
Two people conclude a satisfying encounter, in person or digital, and agree to meet again. The meeting is not scheduled. The agreement is expressed as an intention.
Common phrasings: "We should do this again." "Let's catch up properly soon." "We'll plan something." The word "soon" is load-bearing.
No calendar is opened. No dates are offered. Both parties express enthusiasm. The encounter ends.
Stage 2: The First Week
Both parties are aware that the agreement was made. Neither initiates a follow-up. Each believes the other will initiate. This belief is not tested.
Both parties are genuinely busy. The busyness is real. It is also convenient.
Stage 3: The Intermediate Period
One party considers sending a message to schedule the meeting. The message is mentally drafted. It is not sent.
The hesitation is not rudeness. It is calculation: if I suggest a specific date and they are unavailable, I must suggest another. This requires energy. The other person might suggest one first.
The other person has the same thought at the same time on a different day.
Stage 4: The Encounter Reference
One party mentions, in passing conversation, that they have been meaning to make a plan. The other party agrees. The agreement is renewed. Neither party introduces a date.
The renewed agreement resets the clock. The arrangement is therefore stable.
Stage 5: The Governing Rule
A social inconvenience may continue indefinitely if ending it would require naming the inconvenience. The inconvenience here is that neither person knows whether the other truly wants to meet, and finding out would require a risk that the vagueness currently avoids.
The vagueness protects both parties. The vagueness also means they do not meet.
Stage 6: Resolution
Resolution occurs when one party sends a message with a specific date. The message is received with genuine enthusiasm. The plan is made.
This could have happened in Stage 2.