Supermarket Aisle Apology Has Been Granted Temporary Authority
Two carts have made contact. Neither driver caused it. Both drivers have apologized.
HEARING TRANSCRIPT
Proceeding: Review of Supermarket Aisle Apology Protocol Venue: Standing Panel on Unnecessary Social Friction Date: Ongoing
CHAIR: We are examining an incident in which two shopping carts made contact in the condiments aisle. No injury was sustained. No goods were damaged. Both parties apologized. Neither party was determined to have caused the contact. We are here to understand why both parties apologized anyway.
Please describe what happened.
WITNESS A: I was reaching for something. My cart moved slightly. Her cart was also there. They touched.
CHAIR: How long did they touch?
WITNESS A: A fraction of a second.
CHAIR: And you apologized.
WITNESS A: Yes.
CHAIR: Why?
WITNESS A: It felt like the correct thing to say when two objects meet in a shared space.
CHAIR: Did you cause the contact?
WITNESS A: I don't think so. But it's hard to say.
CHAIR: Witness B. You also apologized.
WITNESS B: Yes.
CHAIR: Did you cause the contact?
WITNESS B: No.
CHAIR: You apologized for an event you did not cause.
WITNESS B: I apologized because she apologized.
The governing rule: a public system may be manually verified whenever waiting feels socially exposed.
CHAIR: What is the relationship between one apology and a second apology?
EXPERT WITNESS: The first apology establishes that contact requires acknowledgment. The second apology confirms this. Both apologies are correct within the framework. The framework was created by the first apology.
CHAIR: Nearby strangers begin subtly adjusting their own behavior around the apology, which they take as evidence of a rule they did not know they were following.
EXPERT WITNESS: Correct. The shared space acquires an unwritten law enforced entirely by people pretending there is no law.
CHAIR: Where is the law written?
EXPERT WITNESS: It isn't.
CHAIR: Transcript stands.
Proceeding adjourned. Both carts continued into separate aisles. One party bought the wrong mustard.