Terms Governing Queue Choice Regret
The queue that was not chosen has moved faster in every subsequent observation, a finding the subject considers statistical.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF QUEUE PARTICIPATION
Issued by: The Bureau of Waiting Arrangements Effective upon the moment you chose the other one
Article I. Selection and Regret
Upon selecting a queue, the participating individual (hereinafter: "you") acknowledges that the adjacent queue will appear to begin moving faster within ninety seconds of your commitment. This is not optional.
By joining a queue, you agree that you have already chosen incorrectly. The queue you selected was assessed by you, in real time, as the faster option. This assessment was wrong.
Article II. Observation Protocol
The other queue is always moving faster. This is not a coincidence. It is the governing condition of public waiting.
You are required to monitor the other queue at intervals no shorter than thirty seconds. You are also required to perform a running calculation of whether your current position would be improved by switching. This calculation will not be acted upon.
Under the governing rule, any queue choice regret repeated often enough becomes binding until the person feels certain.
Article III. The Switch Option
You retain the right to switch queues. You will not use it.
Switching queues requires acknowledging publicly, in a setting designed for strangers, that your original decision was inferior. The people in the other queue will notice. Some will say nothing. Their silence will be interpretable.
Article IV. The Arrival of Certainty
When the other queue is moving faster, you will feel certain that you chose wrong. When your queue begins moving, you will feel briefly vindicated. When the other queue then begins moving faster again, certainty will resume.
Any queue choice regret repeated often enough becomes binding until the person feels certain. Certainty is not available in this queue.
Article V. Resolution
You will eventually reach the front of your queue. This will feel less satisfying than it would have if you had not spent the preceding twelve minutes watching the other one.
You will leave. You will remember that the other queue was faster.
This agreement renews automatically at your next visit to a shop, a bank, a food counter, a pharmacy, a train window, or any other location where two lines form and one of them is slower.
That one is yours.