Terms Governing Voice Note Summary Request
Listening to the voice note takes thirty seconds. Asking someone to summarize it takes longer.
Terms and Conditions: Voice Note Summary Request
Document Type: Informal group chat protocol, binding upon continued membership Effective Date: When the first voice note exceeded ninety seconds Jurisdiction: The group
Article I: Definitions
"Voice Note" refers to an audio message sent in lieu of typing, lasting between twelve seconds and four minutes and thirty seconds.
"Voice Note Summary Request" refers to the message sent by a member asking another member to summarize a voice note the requesting member has not listened to.
"The Summarizer" refers to the member who listened to the voice note and is now responsible for its contents.
Article II: Acceptable Grounds for Summary Request
A member may request a summary of a voice note under the following conditions: the note exceeds sixty seconds, the note is playing in a location where audio is inconvenient, the note was sent more than two hours ago and the context feels stale, or the member is in the middle of something and this is, honestly, a lot.
Article III: The Summarizer's Obligations
The Summarizer, having listened to the voice note, now carries information that others do not. The Summarizer must convey this information in text, at a length proportional to the original note, in a format accessible to all members.
The Summarizer may add editorial context. The Summarizer cannot be held responsible for information lost during summarization, which is all of the tone.
Article IV: Governing Rule
Once voice note summary request becomes the group norm, every member must pretend the norm emerged naturally. The norm emerged from the third long voice note. The third long voice note was about nothing urgent. This is known.
Article V: Limitation of Liability
By remaining in the group, the member accepts that voice notes may be summarized by anyone except the person who sent them. The person who sent the voice note believes their voice note was self-explanatory.
The group finally reaches a decision through silence, reactions, screenshots, and one exhausted person summarizing everything.
Article VI: Duration
These terms remain effective until someone tells the sender to just text.