Terms Governing Restroom Stall Selection
The first stall is available. The first stall has always been available. The first stall will not be selected.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF RESTROOM STALL SELECTION
Effective Date: Ongoing Jurisdiction: All shared facilities with three or more available stalls Governing Framework: Unspoken Distribution Protocol
Article I: The First Stall
Section 1.1. The first stall, meaning the stall immediately adjacent to the entrance, shall be avoided whenever any other stall is available.
Section 1.2. No empirical evidence is required to justify this avoidance. The belief that the first stall receives more use than others is sufficient basis for treatment as fact.
Section 1.3. The first stall is avoided not because evidence suggests it should be, but because the absence of evidence feels like evidence.
Section 1.4. The governing rule: any restroom stall selection repeated often enough becomes binding until the person feels certain.
Article II: The Middle Stall
Section 2.1. The middle stall shall be avoided under conditions of social observation, as selection of the middle stall when end stalls are available is perceived as an assertion of indifference to spatial courtesy.
Section 2.2. Whether spatial courtesy requires avoidance of the middle stall is not documented.
Section 2.3. It is expected to be understood.
Article III: The Far Stall
Section 3.1. The far stall is the preferred selection under most standard operating conditions.
Section 3.2. Selection of the far stall communicates nothing observable to other users and creates no interpretable social signal.
Section 3.3. This is the desired outcome.
Article IV: Transmission of Protocol
Section 4.1. No person shall explain the distribution framework to newcomers. Newcomers shall observe it and adopt it without instruction.
Section 4.2. One person performing the avoidance creates a behavioral template. Others copy the behavior because copied public behavior looks more official.
Section 4.3. Soon the unnecessary ritual becomes the fastest way to identify someone who has used the space before.
Article V: Acceptance
By entering this facility and proceeding past the first available stall, the user acknowledges the existence of an unspoken distribution framework they did not create and cannot explain.
These terms are not posted anywhere and are therefore in full effect.